Something next to normal, that's the thing I'd like to try

Just checking in to remind everyone that I still exist and have not yet expired from either illness or overwhelming outrage. I am just exhausted. Do you think if we all agree to just take 2018 off and take a collective national nap, we could reach a bipartisan agreement? Even Republicans have to find this exhausting, don't they?

Health-wise, things are not too bad? Still not in remission, which my doctor was kind of hoping for when we started this latest medication (I mean, otherwise it's not really worth poisoning my liver and possibly giving me lymphoma) so another colonoscopy is in my near future. THIS IS NUMBER TEN, YOU GUYS. It's a big round number so I feel like I should mark the occasion somehow, lol. Maybe they will give me a little extra anesthesia to celebrate. 

I am still doing the online dating thing, but my dates have been more boring than weird or creepy, which on the one hand is good, but on the other hand, it does not give me many hilarious stories to report. However, one of my coworkers challenged me that we should both decide we're going to be married (to other people, not each other) by the end of 2018, so I guess I'll have to work a lot harder at this, lol. (You can tell he's a dude because he thinks less than a year is sufficient time to plan an actual wedding, NOT EVEN COUNTING the time required to meet someone, date, and get engaged.)  

I did, however, have an inadvisable hook-up (at the wedding I was kind of dreading but which ended up being really fun) and am now having inadvisable ~feelings. Nothing bad, really, just a guy I know is a player and probably not interested in a relationship at a time when I definitely am wanting one, even though I'm not even sure I want one WITH HIM but now I'm thinking about it anyway because a thing happened? Part of me thinks I just find online dating to be awful but I don't have other good ways to meet someone so I'm like, "Well, here's someone I already know! Let's date that one!" 

In other news, I am doing the job search thing again, and have had some interviews that hopefully will lead to a good announcement in the near future, but trying not to get ahead of myself. Also sort of scared to think about changing jobs because even though my current one is frustrating me, I do like most of the people I work with and I'm comfortable there and don't want to take chances with changing my health insurance, lol.

What else? I saw Mean Girls the musical. That was fun even though I am even really a big fan of the movie? (I've seen it once, it was funny but obviously not something I felt the need to rewatch.) I probably wouldn't have gone except a few of my friends really wanted to see it and I am the go-to musical girl, lol. I am planning a trip to BroadwayCon in January, which is exciting. (Yes, Broadway has its own con. I've never been but it seems like a thing designed especially for me.)

What is going on with all of you? Any exciting holiday plans coming up?

So, the Drama Llama is still trying to contact me. He texted me a few times after I noped out, and I didn't respond and deleted his number. Now he's messaging me through Match and apparently still wants another chance.

Ugggggghhhhh.

Like, he's probably not a bad guy, but I don't have time for that kind of shit. If I wanted to spend time deciphering confusing mixed messages and maneuvering around other people's self-esteem issues, I'd go back to middle school. Communicate like a motherfucking adult if you want an adult relationship.

The hilarious part is that I only really went back to Match because I have a wedding coming up in November, and I really didn't want to go by myself because I have been to, like, 7 weddings with this same group of people and never had a date and now they're almost all married and it sucks being the last one who's not? So I was like, well, if I start dating someone in the summer, it wouldn't be weird to bring them to a wedding in November? And then I got the invite last week and I didn't even get a plus-one, so I guess I am going by myself whether I'm single or not?

Now I feel less pressure to be dating someone, I guess. But I still sort of don't even want to go to the wedding. And Match is horrible but I still have three and a half more months to go because I paid for it already. Ugh.

Hashtag I hate everything.

Been a while. I spent my summer flailing and screaming and anticipating the end of the world, how about you?

My health still sucks, although that's mostly unrelated to our impending doom. Basically, I still have Crohn's, and while surgery alleviated the worst pain, I'm now discovering all sorts of new things that a year and a half on opioids was masking, like constant diarrhea and joint pain. Whee! I can still only manage to eat vegetables about once a week, and I haven't really attempted alcohol in any realistic quantity.

In other news, I am match-dot-comming again. I might even go on an actual date this time. I am still bitter that my previous (hilarious) reaction posts are now basically toast because all my gifs were on photobucket. I may have to describe my experiences using ACTUAL WORDS from now on (the horror!).

Um, I cooked things? Some of these things were a long time ago, like the Sticky Lemon Cake I made for my dad for Father's Day. This cake is SO good, would make again, but it totally does NOT fit in an 8-inch round pan. It did not even fit in the 8x3 loaf pan I used instead, because of the editor's note and all the comments about it. So... use a bigger pan than that. And also cook it for longer than 30 minutes, like closer to 50. Seriously, does no one actually try these recipes before posting them to make sure they work?

Like this Robinson Cove Crab Salad, which is really more of a dip, and that's even before you account for the fact that it was super watery and I had to literally strain it before eating. I don't know why it was so watery, the only liquid in it is lemon juice and it's not that much. It's also pretty bland. We ate it while my parents were here, and my mom was like, "Eh, not bad," and then dumped a bunch of spices in. (She suggested Old Bay, which I didn't have, so I think we ended up just using ginger, paprika, and nutmeg, which were the components of Old Bay I had.) 

One recipe that actually did work was Prosciutto-Stuffed Chicken. Setting aside the fact that the supermarket only had chicken breasts the size of a football and so three of them managed to last me six meals. (I cut the rest of the recipe in half.) But I didn't even mind eating the leftovers for a week. I used asparagus, not broccoli, because it's friendlier to my digestive system, and honestly felt like the ratio of rice to asparagus was a little high, but more green vegetables probably wouldn't have done me any good anyway.

I also made No-Bake S'mores Bars, which were good. Fair warning, though: these fuckers get VERY hard when you refrigerate them, and then when you take 'em out of the fridge, there's, like, a 30-second window between "break your teeth" and "melty chocolate mess" in which you must consume them. 

Well hey, we haven't had a horrendous online dating story in a while! Mostly because I let my match.com account expire and started planning my future as a crazy cat lady. But now per_aspera_ad_astra is all, like, sickeningly happy with some guy she met on there, making her the second of my college friends to have success on that site, so back I go. This is my first attempt.

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As part of my renewed effort at making this dating thing work, I've been advised to "know what I want." I mean, when I try to create a wish list of the qualities/characteristics that I want my ideal guy to have, I typically get as far as "intelligent, good sense of humor... uh... likes Buffy?" and give up. I am all like, "I DON'T KNOOOOOOW. I DON'T HAVE A ~TYPE." Even though I totally do. I just don't really know what it is?

But, as we all know, I have FAR TOO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. So I figured, maybe that's a place to start? Figure out what I like about these particular characters I envisage as my future husbands, and see what they have in common!

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I had another underwhelming match.com date this weekend. Technically, I was supposed to have two (one Saturday and one Sunday), but the second guy never got back to me on when and where he wanted to meet, so... I got my laundry done and watched a movie instead! :)

I've also been emailing with this new guy who is seriously the male version of me, it's kinda creepy. I am halfway convinced someone is just playing a practical joke on me, lol, that's how much we have in common. And of course - no picture, which always makes me suspicious.

But! The benefit of all this dating is that I have discovered I do indeed have standards beyond "wants to date me" and "doesn't kill puppies." I have, in fact, rejected numerous guys for not meeting said standards! 

( Here they are... )

Why is it the short weeks always end up feeling the longest? I would like to stop being busy, plz. I had my Remicade treatment this morning and slept through practically the whole thing. Work days should always include naptimes, y/y?

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