Something next to normal, that's the thing I'd like to try

Hello, all! Time for my monthly check-in. I took a week off work last week and my mom came to visit, so we had some fun adventures (Monticello! mcmegan! Colonoscopy!). Okay, that last one wasn't fun. It was my 10th, though, so it's kind of a milestone, I guess? Which I apparently decided to mark by passing out before the procedure, because I am a delicate flower. Honestly, I was just trying to save the anesthesiologist some time! I am thinking of investing in a fainting couch or something, because really I pass out more than the average person should. Otherwise, I am okay-but-not-great, health-wise, and may be trying more experimental drugs. 

My mom and I binge-watched The Crown. It's good! It's kind of Downton-esque, but with more politics and royal protocol and less melodrama. It's especially fascinating to watch in the wake of the most recent royal wedding, and seeing how much has changed and how much really hasn't. My mother and I are also in awe of and working on perfecting Elizabeth's ability to express extreme displeasure with a single, disdainful "Oh." (We also talked in British accents most of the week. I feel like that goes without saying.) And, with the series finale of The Americans the same week, we were well prepared for this "Which Philip and Elizabeth?" quiz, lol. 

In other TV-watching news, I am now fully caught up with Jane the Virgin (OMGWTF[spoiler]!) and Legends of Tomorrow, which has been a delightful surprise. Having already committed to the rest of the DC-verse with Arrow, The Flash, and Supergirl, I initially gave it a shot, but totally bailed two episodes into the first season, because I hated the villain and at least two of the main characters. But I had heard that it got miles better in season 2 (which, based on the little I saw of the characters during crossover episodes, seemed possible), so I went back and watched just enough to get the gist and then skipped to season 2, which is completely bonkers fun as the time travel series shifts from "OMG we must track this evil dude through history without changing anything" to "watch these dumbasses fuck up history and then try to fix it." Season 3 (which just finished) is just as batshit bananas - a little too dependent on tracking down magical mcguffins, but the truly insane payoff in the season finale makes it worth it.

I continue to be delinquent in my reading - I am now SIX books behind my goal. *facepalm* Here's what I read in May:

Empire of Storms, Sarah J. Maas: Ehhhhh. I'm starting to lose interest in this series. It's gotten repetitive and all the characters are starting to seem the same (must EVERYONE be some kind of royalty and also unbelievably attractive and have fantastic superpowers? Remember when this series was about a scrappy assassin who could not solve all her problems by setting them on fire with her mind?). Also, while the series has gotten increasingly porny, all the good ships got trashed and the ones who are left are dull and so I mostly don't want to read about how much sex they're having. And yet, I will probably continue to read the series because closure?

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, Elizabeth Gilbert: LOL, oh, Liz Gilbert. You have some good things to say. If only you weren't so bonkers and full of yourself. Like, I appreciate the embracing of curiosity and creativity and the encouragement to make the stuff you wanna make and do the stuff you wanna do and don't worry about failing or what anyone else thinks of you, just do it to please yourself (which is fine, I guess, as long as you don't care about making a career out of it?). But man, she presents it all in the context of her belief in magical thinking - like, literal magic:

"I believe that our planet is inhabited not only by animals and plants and bacteria and viruses, but also by ideas. Ideas are a disembodied, energetic life-form. They are completely separate from us, but capable of interacting with us - albeit strangely. Ideas have no material body, but they do have consciousness, and they most certainly have will.... [I]deas spend eternity swirling around us, searching for available and willing human partners.... When an idea thinks it has found somebody - say, you - who might be able to bring it into the world, the idea will pay you a visit... I believe that inspiration will always try its best to work with you - but if you are not ready or available, it may indeed choose to leave you and to search for a different human collaborator."

Some of this comes from the Greek and Roman belief "in the idea of an external daemon of creativity - a sort of house elf, if you will, who lived in within the walls of your home and who sometimes aided you in your labors. The Romans had a specific term for that helpful house elf. They called it your genius." And her point is basically don't let yourself be burdened with the pressure of being a genius, just do your thing. Maybe genius will strike, but you can't control that. All you can do is put in the time and effort and be willing to accept whatever comes out of that. Which is not a bad attitude to have? (But also a lot easier to do once you've become a bestselling author.) It's just weird the way she presents it as though creativity is a religion you have to believe in. 

And finally, since this is kind of a catch-all post anyway, here's a recipe!

BLT Pasta Salad - I made this for a potluck a long time ago, but never posted it. Everyone loved it, and basically licked the bowl clean, so clearly it's good. (It's the bacon. Nothing with bacon can be bad.) The recipe makes a TON, so you might want to scale down if you're not going to a party, lol. I love leftovers, but I suspect the lettuce would get soggy.

Been a while. I spent my summer flailing and screaming and anticipating the end of the world, how about you?

My health still sucks, although that's mostly unrelated to our impending doom. Basically, I still have Crohn's, and while surgery alleviated the worst pain, I'm now discovering all sorts of new things that a year and a half on opioids was masking, like constant diarrhea and joint pain. Whee! I can still only manage to eat vegetables about once a week, and I haven't really attempted alcohol in any realistic quantity.

In other news, I am match-dot-comming again. I might even go on an actual date this time. I am still bitter that my previous (hilarious) reaction posts are now basically toast because all my gifs were on photobucket. I may have to describe my experiences using ACTUAL WORDS from now on (the horror!).

Um, I cooked things? Some of these things were a long time ago, like the Sticky Lemon Cake I made for my dad for Father's Day. This cake is SO good, would make again, but it totally does NOT fit in an 8-inch round pan. It did not even fit in the 8x3 loaf pan I used instead, because of the editor's note and all the comments about it. So... use a bigger pan than that. And also cook it for longer than 30 minutes, like closer to 50. Seriously, does no one actually try these recipes before posting them to make sure they work?

Like this Robinson Cove Crab Salad, which is really more of a dip, and that's even before you account for the fact that it was super watery and I had to literally strain it before eating. I don't know why it was so watery, the only liquid in it is lemon juice and it's not that much. It's also pretty bland. We ate it while my parents were here, and my mom was like, "Eh, not bad," and then dumped a bunch of spices in. (She suggested Old Bay, which I didn't have, so I think we ended up just using ginger, paprika, and nutmeg, which were the components of Old Bay I had.) 

One recipe that actually did work was Prosciutto-Stuffed Chicken. Setting aside the fact that the supermarket only had chicken breasts the size of a football and so three of them managed to last me six meals. (I cut the rest of the recipe in half.) But I didn't even mind eating the leftovers for a week. I used asparagus, not broccoli, because it's friendlier to my digestive system, and honestly felt like the ratio of rice to asparagus was a little high, but more green vegetables probably wouldn't have done me any good anyway.

I also made No-Bake S'mores Bars, which were good. Fair warning, though: these fuckers get VERY hard when you refrigerate them, and then when you take 'em out of the fridge, there's, like, a 30-second window between "break your teeth" and "melty chocolate mess" in which you must consume them. 

Wheee, I am writing to you from THE HOSPITAL, which is where they send you when your internal organs misbehave as mine do. Short version: abdominal pain, vomiting, ER. I now have IV fluids and a feeding tube, surgery happening as soon as I am no longer malnourished.

Slightly longer version: I went for an MRI (in which I was required to drink contrast fluid and proceeded to vomit said contrast ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE, advice for good living: do not vomit in an MRI tube) which showed a 20cm stricture that basically is blocking food from getting through. I thought I could stick it out a few more weeks and was planning to have surgery probably early May. But then I started vomiting and couldn't stop, and went to the ER, and here we are. 

Sorry I've been MIA for, like, forever. Lots of unpleasant health stuff. I... don't really want to get into it. There was a lot of vomit. Occasionally, projectile vomit at the Kennedy Center. 2017 is off to a banging start.

Welcome, LJ refugees. Sorry Russia is fucking with you. You know, more than they're fucking with the rest of us.

I have been cheating on DW a bit by posting on Facebook again. Mostly because I now have a bunch of Crohn's buddies on there, and I feel better about dumping my shit (literal and figurative) on those who identify? Also I post ridiculous pictures of my cat. Here, you can have those.

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Oh, hey, I also has recipes from aaaages ago I never posted.

Pumpkin Nutella Swirl Muffins

Salted Pretzel-Marshmallow Bars

I took pictures of those, too:



Desserty things taste good. (In the spirit of "this is my life now," I made them for a party I was supposed to go to, only to end up barfing and missing the party, so my coworkers ended up getting the goodies.)

How you?

So that was the mildest case of chicken pox, possibly ever in the history of recorded medicine! I know I have a high tolerance for pain and illness, given the symptoms I deal with every day, but you guys, I barely even itched. 

I mean, I was expecting it to be pretty mild, given that I got the chicken pox FROM THE VACCINE so it was just a teeny, tiny dose. But I probably also have to give some credit to my unbelievably aggressive immune system, which I tend to forget can actually be useful since it spends most of its time viciously attacking my internal organs. But give it an actual disease to fight off - even while being handicapped by steroids - and it does a BANG-UP JOB, I TELL YOU. 

In fact, Crohn's-wise, last week was the best I've felt in AGES, presumably because my immune system was too preoccupied with battling the chicken pox to bother with its usual routine of acting like it's Donald Trump and my colon's full of Muslims. I should've injected myself with an infectious disease ages ago! Granted, it would've been a lot nicer if my feeling better hadn't had to coincide with my being literally QUARANTINED and unable to leave my apartment because I was contagious, but beggars cannot be choosers.

Though, let me tell you, if I had the choice between chicken pox and Crohn's? I WOULD ABSOLUTELY RATHER HAVE THE CHICKEN POX.

No, seriously, can I have them again? Please? As of yesterday, of course, my spots have mostly faded, I am no longer contagious, and I feel like crap again. I am contemplating going back to the vaccination place and seeing if I can get a yellow fever shot next, but somehow I don't think I would be that lucky twice.

It has occurred to me that, despite having been on immunosuppressants of various kinds pretty much constantly for the last seven years, I have never, in all that time, been sick with more than a mild cold (other than the obvious chronic illness, that is). That is... not normal. No wonder my poor colon is taking such a beating. My immune system is basically indestructible and Hulk-smashing every germ in its path. And that's not even enough to keep it busy! And I kid about the yellow fever (mostly), but maybe exposing myself to more germs is actually the key to keeping this monster at bay? At the very least, I'm thinking twice about next year's flu shot.

Note to self: Next time, wait for the painkillers to kick in BEFORE clicking "post," maybe it will keep you from being quite so maudlin.

Everything is not ALL bad. My parents and I booked a trip to Italy for the end of June. My mother is significantly concerned about my health and particularly stamina re: sightseeing, but there is a FREE APARTMENT IN FLORENCE in the offing, so it was sort of a now-or-never proposition. I mostly just want to be okay enough to eat real food, because ITALY, but fortunately pasta is one of the six things I can actually eat? Albeit plain noodles without any sauce, but still, handmade-from-scratch plain pasta in Italy is probably better than just about anything I'd eat here.

I am sort of going stir-crazy because this most recent bout of pain and vomiting led to me working from home much of last week and all this week, so I have barely left the house. The one exception being Thursday, when I went to the ~theater to see Road Show, because I bought the tickets back in August and we already postponed once because of vomit and it's Sondheim - new(ish) Sondheim at that, so fuck it. I showered and put on a pretty dress that I haven't worn in, like, five years (because if everything is going to be terrible then at the goddamn fucking least I am going to reap the benefits of having lost 60 pounds, you know?). And by, like, an hour in, I was in significant discomfort, but fortunately it was one of those speedy, no-intermission shows. \o/ I just hope it didn't reflect on my face because I was in the FRONT ROW OMG so those poor actors were probably like, "Are we that bad? This woman looks like we are inflicting SUCH PAIN." Sorry, actors, you were very good! 

So, this is basically what we're doing now, taking lots of drugs and hoping for the best. Which, you'll recall, is how I ended up going to see Hamilton in a Zofran-induced haze (because you know it is impossible to get tickets and I WAS NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT), or taking that trip to Nashville on a shit-ton of steroids, or the most recent Percocet-fueled weekend I worked through for a conference. (Though, to be fair, I'm not entirely sure I survived that last one, since I did start throwing up immediately after. Granted, it could've also been a reaction to the chicken pox vaccine, that's still up in the air. Or it could be from going off the Prednisone.)

(My LIFE. There are just SO MANY REASONS for me to puke, we can't even narrow it down.)

Hi y'all. Still alive over here. Sometimes I feel like maybe it's time to close the figurative doors on this place, since all I seem to do is use it to reassure people that I remain among the living, and to detail my body's ongoing efforts to the contrary. Mostly, I wish I had more to SAY, but I just don't have the energy to, like, think about things, lol. Which sounds lame and stupid, because it seems like dealing with physical pain shouldn't impact my ability to review television shows or make icons or whatever else I used to do, but... it does. 

I'm still doing about the same - lots of pain, lots of Percocet, no progress on the Entyvio. I'm starting another new clinical trial, but have to taper off the Prednisone first (which I am happy to do, goodbye hairy moon-face!) so it'll be about a month before I get the new drug. At least it's open label, so I know for sure I'm getting real medicine and not placebo.

Anyway. It also seems ridiculous to post holiday pictures now that it's MID-JANUARY, but whatever, here's Chelsea wearing a fancy bow for Christmas:

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I meant to do the end of the year meme, if only to help myself keep track of all the TV I watched, but... meh. I also contemplated doing the hair meme that was going around, but then I remembered I'm allergic to selfies and so I don't actually have any good photos of my hair to post. Not that my hair is really interesting enough for a meme, anyway.

Uh, bad news for some of you: I FINALLY got around to watching Mad Max: Fury Road, and I found it pretty meh? Like, it was fine as an action movie, but I don't get all the wild love for it? I can see why the prominence of female characters in this kind of movie would make a lot of people excited, but, like, is that it? It seemed like there was a ton of backstory that was just... not explained (like why any of this was happening, lol) and it kind of surprised me that people who, on the whole, tend to place a high priority on STORY loved it so much when it's basically 2 hours of non-stop action with the barest minimum of plot to justify it. Maybe it's just not my genre, or I had too high expectations because it seemed like the entire internet flipped their shit over it. (I will say this: flaming guitar guy was as hilariously weird and fantastic as I'd been led to believe.) So, tell me what I'm missing, Internet!

I watched MM:FR as part of my Oscar movie challenge - my friends and I are attempting to see all the Best Picture nominees. So far, I've seen 3, the other two being Spotlight and The Martian. I LOOOOVED The Martian. It probably shouldn't have been in the Comedy category for the Golden Globes, but it WAS pretty hilarious, and Matt Damon is fantastic. We as a society really ought to stop leaving him in dangerous places, though. It's costing an awful lot in money, effort, and lives to keep retrieving him.

1. I have decided to get myself a TV streaming stick, either a Roku or Amazon Fire. I am leaning toward Roku based on internet comparisons, but I do have Amazon Prime and a Kindle Fire, so I'm open to being persuaded in that direction. (Also, I have a suspicion that as soon as I buy a Roku, they will announce that they're coming out with a newer model, whereas Amazon already did.) Anyone have a recommendation or preference? (Obviously the best time to purchase such a thing is AFTER I spent the weekend binge-watching not one, but TWO TV series - Jessica Jones and The Man in the High Castle - on my laptop. Both shows are highly recommended, FYI.)

2. I really want to email this to my mother and be like, "Do you think maybe we could try this for a change?" I might possibly be cranky after a phone call this weekend in which I mentioned having a lot of pain this week, and her response being, 'Well, you have been doing a lot of cooking lately and eating more than usual." Like, SORRY MY BAD for trying to eat relatively balanced meals and maintain a healthy weight. Maybe I should go back to eating nothing but grilled cheese. I get that she just wants to be able to make me better and critiquing everything I ingest is her trying to ~solve my Crohn's but CROHN'S DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY and just once I would like to say, "Hey, I'm in a lot of pain," and hear, "I'm sorry, honey, that sucks," instead of, essentially, "Well, that's what you get for eating FOOD." 

3. Speaking of food, I made butternut squash soup this weekend. I'm not even going to bother linking the recipe because the proportions were way off and I ended up having to add more than twice as much chicken stock as the recipe called for in order to get the right consistency, so I'll be looking for a different recipe the next time I make it. My parents have one, but it makes about eight gallons of soup, so I figured I'd just look for a smaller batch recipe online, but this one was not a winner. Tasted fine, though, once I made it not mashed potatoes-esque. 

So I have not updated in forever. I blame it on the drugs. I am still on Percocet, my mother is worried I will become an addict, but my doctor said, "If it hurts, take as much as you need," so I am all, "YES THANKS TAKING ALL THE DRUGS" because I still have a lot of pain for some reason? Like, the nausea is (mostly) gone, way less diarrhea, and I am basically eating food like a normal human again. (It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, so I figure I might as well eat normally if it's going to hurt like hell anyway.) So, I mean, other than the DAILY BOUTS OF EXCRUCIATING PAIN, I'm kind of feeling better? I guess?

( Poop and travel and weight loss and cat teeth )

Rather than do another whole "yes I'm still basically dying" update, I will just let you assume that everything is still terrible (it is) and instead copy and paste the following g-chat exchange between myself and per_aspera_ad_astra :