I swear to God, I am laughing hysterically at this, because if I don't, I will throw myself out a window.
So, in a previous post, I made brief reference to a chicken pox vaccine
. Here's the full story: one of the requirements for the clinical trial I was trying to get into was verification of chicken pox antibodies in my blood. I don't know why, I guess just because of the risk of catching random diseases with a suppressed immune system? Anyway, I never had the chicken pox as a child, so when the vaccine first came out around age 11, I got it.
Or thought I did. Apparently, it didn't take, because the blood test came back negative for the antibodies, meaning I had to get the vaccine again, and - way more annoyingly - repeat all the screening tests (including the colonoscopy) I had just done to qualify for the clinical trial. This was exactly 3 weeks ago, to the day.
NOW I HAVE THE FUCKING CHICKEN POX.
Yep. I got chicken pox FROM THE VACCINE. Because there wasn't already ENOUGH wrong with me, let's add CHICKEN POX to the mix.
I'm actually not even surprised. Because of the Crohn's, I'm on steroids, which can somehow both make the vaccine less effective AND increase your risk of actually getting the disease from the vaccine, which they warned me about when I got the shot. But it's not like I really had a choice - I couldn't stop taking the steroids, or my Crohn's symptoms (which were already awful) would have gotten even worse. I couldn't wait until I was ~better, because my only hope of getting better is getting into this trial, which requires the vaccine. So I went ahead and got the first of two shots, and was supposed to go back for the second shot next week. I guess we can cancel THAT appointment.
On Sunday night, I noticed a couple weird red spots, one of which happened to be on my arm, pretty near the spot where I got the shot. Then yesterday, there were more spots, so this morning I emailed my gastroenterologist to be like, "Uh, I think I might have the chicken pox?" He told me to come in, and then sent me to a dermatologist, who confirmed that it was, indeed, chicken pox. It's apparently (hopefully) a mild case, considering I got it from the vaccine, but still.
So I basically gave myself chicken pox. Not only that, I PAID SOMEONE MONEY to give me chicken pox, because my insurance didn't cover the shot. (I'm supposed to get reimbursed by the study, but it's the principle of the thing more than the actual money.)
OF COURSE I HAVE CHICKEN POX. OF COURSE.
WHAT IS MY FUCKING LIFE.