Buffy Soda!

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Taking a break from the Musical Sunday posts this week, since I've been working on this little project. Under the cut, the results of the grand Buffy Season 8 Jones Soda Taste Test!

Okay, before we get into the actual taste-testing, we have to get this out of the way. The names for these flavors are all unbearably stupid. In keeping with the minimal-effort level of quality the comics are known for, it seems the creators of this soda promotion decided to settle on names that evoked the most tenuous of connections between the flavor and the character. (Though, given the criticisms of Jeanty's art, Bubblegum Buffy at least does seem rather apropos.)

I'm trying to figure out if there's some symbolism to the bottlecap colors. Silver for the white hats, black for the bad guy?

Also, I'm vaguely amused by the fact that all of the characters look rather disturbed to find themselves on these bottles. It's like they're all thinking, "Really? The comics weren't bad enough? You had to do THIS to us, too?" Especially Dawn. She's all, "WTF? This was seriously the best picture you could find? I would punch someone, but it would mean letting go of my boobs."



Um, I kinda drank the orange one before I realized it might be good to take pictures. Rest assured it was as Day-Glo-tastic as the other ones.

Twilight's Old Moon Orange & Cream
First impression: I like orange soda. I like cream soda. I've never actually had them together before, but given that starting point, I'm expecting this to be either an awesome combo or a horrifying disappointment. Insert your own issue #34 joke about Twilight and cream here.

Taste test: Only slightly fearing for my life, you guys. I started with the flavor I thought I'd like the most, and wow, this one is yummy! True to its name, it does indeed taste like someone mixed orange soda and cream soda together. And I can't even remember the last time I drank cream soda, so this is making me feel very old school. It seems more creamy than orangey, with a strong cream soda aftertaste, but if you like that kind of thing (which I do) it's pretty tasty.

Rating: 5 stars (out of 5). I would totally buy more of this if they sold the flavors separately (and, you know, if I actually drank soda).

Message in the bottlecap: "You just helped save a child's eyesight. Thank you." Yay?

Willow's Green Apple Witch's Brew
First impression: I am not usually a huge fan of apple-flavored things. They tend to end up tasting more like apple flavored Jolly Ranchers than actual apples.

Taste test: It's a little Jolly Ranchery. It does taste legitimately like apples, if you generally eat your apples drenched in sugar, lol. A little too sweet for me, but not bad. If you're an appletini-drinker, you'll probably love it.

Rating: 3 stars. I liked it enough to drink the whole bottle, but I would not want to be stuck with a case of it.

Message in the bottlecap: "Look for priceless news from a loved one." That sounds more like a fortune cookie than a soda cap.


Buffy's Blue Bubblegum
First impression: Wow, that is blue. Like, really, really blue. Unnaturally blue. I confess, I don't hold high hopes for a bubblegum-flavored drink. It seems to be just asking for sickening sweetness.

Taste test: Um, well, it's a little like drinking liquid cotton candy. And, okay, this is weird, but it actually tastes blue. IDEK! It's like, if blue were a flavor, this is what it would taste like. This is kind of an existential moment for me. It's actually pretty good, but I would not drink this as a beverage. I'd drink it as a liquid candy substitute, like maybe if you've had your wisdom teeth out and you can't eat solids, but you've got a hankering for some candy? Yeah, this would be perfect.

Rating: 2 stars. Limited usage, but not bad if you know what you're getting into.

Message in the bottlecap: "Be an angel. Save a life." Okay, so I know some of these messages are promoting vitaminangels.org, but given the Buffy connection, I can't help thinking of Angel - and let's be honest, does anyone really want to be Angel at this point?

Dawn's a Centaur! Root Beer
First Impressions: I dunno. It's root beer. It's not a weird color, it's not a weird name (barring the WTF connection to Dawn being a centaur). I'm expecting regular old root beer.

Taste Test: Yep. Tastes like root beer.

Rating: 4 stars. It's perfectly fine, but you know, you can get root beer anywhere, so unless you really enjoy beverages with pictures of naked fictional characters on them, just go to the store and buy regular root beer.

Message in the bottlecap: "Solutions will come to you while you are walking." Best get on the treadmill, then!


Xander's Strawberry Lime Elixir
First Impressions: I am a little hesitant about this combo. I love pretty much anything strawberry flavored, but lime? Not sure about that.

Taste Test: JFC! I literally, actually gagged, like in real life. Remember how I referenced Jolly Ranchers earlier? Well, this is like what would happen if a strawberry Jolly Rancher and a SweeTart copulated and had a sugarbaby. I can feel my teeth rotting as I type this. I need to go gargle water and brush my teeth. BRB.

Rating: Zero! No stars! If you do buy it, keep some insulin on hand. I suspect this flavor might actually give you diabetes.

Message in the bottlecap: "Your luck will completely change today." Well, today is almost over, so Lady Luck best get crackin'.


Giles's Grape Potion
First Impressions: Okay, now that I've got that awful taste out of my mouth, let's give the last one a shot. I'll be honest, I'm not really a grape fan. I like grapes themselves, but grape-flavored things - even all-natural grape juice - rarely taste like actual grapes.

Taste Test: Yep, it pretty much taste like every fake-grape flavor out there. I am not impressed, but if you're into that sort of thing, more power to you.

Rating: 2 stars. It's probably not bad if you like grape, but it is not winning me over.

Message in the bottlecap: "You will receive many favorable emails." What is this I don't even. Maybe it means I will get lots of gushing comments on this post, which will be delivered to my email? Come on, guys - make it happen! :)

Comments

[slaymesoftly.livejournal.com]

You didn't really drink all these at one time, did you? Hee! Fun post. And very informative.

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Hahaha, no, I did not. I'd be in sugar shock if that were the case. I drank the whole bottle of Twilight, Willow, and Dawn (one each day), and then just a couple sips of Buffy, Xander, and Giles. I don't think I could drink the whole bottle of Buffy or Xander in one sitting - they're just too sweet.

[maddie2927.livejournal.com]

I sort of really just want them for the bottles. Is that terrible/a huge waste of money? hahaha I'm not even really a memorabilia person but part of me sees them and goes omgjonessodawithbuffylabelsomgIneedthem!

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LOL! I've never been a memorabilia person, so I was mostly in it for the taste-testing opportunity. (Also, I've always been a little curious about Jones Soda.)

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

As I'm no longer a soda drinker, they all sound a little bit disgusting but I enjoyed your reviews. Twilight's would be the only kid I'd go for - i Love Creamsicles and cream soda. Thanks for taking one for the team.

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OMG, I know! I never drink soda anymore, so this was an unusual move for me. (I also should've mentioned that these suckers have 180 calories per bottle, so I'm sacrificing my diet for you people, lol.)

And, for the record, Jones does sell orange and cream soda that is NOT Twilight-branded, and it's cheaper. :)

[tigerpetals.livejournal.com]

If I could, I'd at least try Twilight, Willow, and Giles, since I've liked those flavors even when they don't actually taste like the fruits. I don't generally like strawberry-flavored things, or rootbeer, and bubblegum sounds like icky toothpaste. I'd have bought them just for the bottles, though.

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Heh, you're not the first person to say that. I may have to offer up the bottles (or maybe just the labels? Easier to ship) when I'm done drinking. I'm just gonna recycle them...

[pocochina.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, I am so not a soda person, I kind of winced reading about this. But Xander, interestingly enough, sounds like he would make a yummy fauxgarita.

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Haha, you know, I think adding some tequila would be a DEFINITE improvement.

Damn. Now I kind of wish I'd bought a case, so I could try some experiments with alcoholic mixtures. I do still have Buffy, Xander, and Giles left. Hmm....

[blackoberst.livejournal.com]

Run for the hills!!!!

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LOL, they weren't all that bad. But if someone is chasing you with a Xander-flavored beverage, yes, running is definitely a good plan. :)

[agnes-bean.livejournal.com]

Not gunna lie, the Twilight one sounds REALLY good. I love those flavors.

As for the rest...well, you're braver than I. The Xander one sounds truly unbearable.

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I know! I don't even drink soda, and I'm contemplating buying more of that flavor. The rest, not so much...

[silverusagi]

You have suffered FOR FANDOM! So, let's see... Everything tastes like generic soda you can get elsewhere, or tastes like things that should never be made, LOL.

blue were a flavor, this is what it would taste like.

This reminds me of Futurama, where Fry says, "What smells like blue?"

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Yep, that about sums it up. :)

[jnb71976.livejournal.com]

Twilight was my favorite too! SO yummy. And the Xander ick just about made me yak. So I hear you.

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Good to know there's consensus, lol!

[urania-calliope.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha! This post was awesome. I was tempted to buy these just for the LOLERIFC pictures but I don't really care for post of these 'flavours'.

So sorry about the Xander flavour!

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Haha, it's probably cheaper to buy a few issues of the comics - you'll have all the LOL you could ever ask for. :)

[dragonflylady77.livejournal.com]

The back of my throat tastes like sweet sugary soda right now, just from reading this post.

*giggles*

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LOL!

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to figure out if there's some symbolism to the bottlecap colors. Silver for the white hats, black for the bad guy?

White caps Hats vs bad guy?

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Ye-es?

I'm sorry, I've had an unseemly amount of sugar...

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

...you know, I could've sworn you didn't make the "white hats" reference when I replied. But then, I quoted where you did, so I should obviously not comment just after waking up.

Hey look! A kitty! *distracts*

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Perhaps you have had an unseemly amount of sugar, too?

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately not. My brain appears to have shut down now that classes are over. It took me about ten tries to spell "unfortunately" correctly just now.

I would like sugar, though...

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I recommend one shot of Xander-flavored soda. You'll be on a sugar high for DAYS.