Buffy Soda!
Aug. 15th, 2010 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
next_to_normalTaking a break from the Musical Sunday posts this week, since I've been working on this little project. Under the cut, the results of the grand Buffy Season 8 Jones Soda Taste Test!
Okay, before we get into the actual taste-testing, we have to get this out of the way. The names for these flavors are all unbearably stupid. In keeping with the minimal-effort level of quality the comics are known for, it seems the creators of this soda promotion decided to settle on names that evoked the most tenuous of connections between the flavor and the character. (Though, given the criticisms of Jeanty's art, Bubblegum Buffy at least does seem rather apropos.)
I'm trying to figure out if there's some symbolism to the bottlecap colors. Silver for the white hats, black for the bad guy?
Also, I'm vaguely amused by the fact that all of the characters look rather disturbed to find themselves on these bottles. It's like they're all thinking, "Really? The comics weren't bad enough? You had to do THIS to us, too?" Especially Dawn. She's all, "WTF? This was seriously the best picture you could find? I would punch someone, but it would mean letting go of my boobs."
Um, I kinda drank the orange one before I realized it might be good to take pictures. Rest assured it was as Day-Glo-tastic as the other ones.
Twilight's Old Moon Orange & Cream
First impression: I like orange soda. I like cream soda. I've never actually had them together before, but given that starting point, I'm expecting this to be either an awesome combo or a horrifying disappointment. Insert your own issue #34 joke about Twilight and cream here.
Taste test: Only slightly fearing for my life, you guys. I started with the flavor I thought I'd like the most, and wow, this one is yummy! True to its name, it does indeed taste like someone mixed orange soda and cream soda together. And I can't even remember the last time I drank cream soda, so this is making me feel very old school. It seems more creamy than orangey, with a strong cream soda aftertaste, but if you like that kind of thing (which I do) it's pretty tasty.
Rating: 5 stars (out of 5). I would totally buy more of this if they sold the flavors separately (and, you know, if I actually drank soda).
Message in the bottlecap: "You just helped save a child's eyesight. Thank you." Yay?
Willow's Green Apple Witch's Brew
First impression: I am not usually a huge fan of apple-flavored things. They tend to end up tasting more like apple flavored Jolly Ranchers than actual apples.
Taste test: It's a little Jolly Ranchery. It does taste legitimately like apples, if you generally eat your apples drenched in sugar, lol. A little too sweet for me, but not bad. If you're an appletini-drinker, you'll probably love it.
Rating: 3 stars. I liked it enough to drink the whole bottle, but I would not want to be stuck with a case of it.
Message in the bottlecap: "Look for priceless news from a loved one." That sounds more like a fortune cookie than a soda cap.
Buffy's Blue Bubblegum
First impression: Wow, that is blue. Like, really, really blue. Unnaturally blue. I confess, I don't hold high hopes for a bubblegum-flavored drink. It seems to be just asking for sickening sweetness.
Taste test: Um, well, it's a little like drinking liquid cotton candy. And, okay, this is weird, but it actually tastes blue. IDEK! It's like, if blue were a flavor, this is what it would taste like. This is kind of an existential moment for me. It's actually pretty good, but I would not drink this as a beverage. I'd drink it as a liquid candy substitute, like maybe if you've had your wisdom teeth out and you can't eat solids, but you've got a hankering for some candy? Yeah, this would be perfect.
Rating: 2 stars. Limited usage, but not bad if you know what you're getting into.
Message in the bottlecap: "Be an angel. Save a life." Okay, so I know some of these messages are promoting vitaminangels.org, but given the Buffy connection, I can't help thinking of Angel - and let's be honest, does anyone really want to be Angel at this point?
Dawn's a Centaur! Root Beer
First Impressions: I dunno. It's root beer. It's not a weird color, it's not a weird name (barring the WTF connection to Dawn being a centaur). I'm expecting regular old root beer.
Taste Test: Yep. Tastes like root beer.
Rating: 4 stars. It's perfectly fine, but you know, you can get root beer anywhere, so unless you really enjoy beverages with pictures of naked fictional characters on them, just go to the store and buy regular root beer.
Message in the bottlecap: "Solutions will come to you while you are walking." Best get on the treadmill, then!
Xander's Strawberry Lime Elixir
First Impressions: I am a little hesitant about this combo. I love pretty much anything strawberry flavored, but lime? Not sure about that.
Taste Test: JFC! I literally, actually gagged, like in real life. Remember how I referenced Jolly Ranchers earlier? Well, this is like what would happen if a strawberry Jolly Rancher and a SweeTart copulated and had a sugarbaby. I can feel my teeth rotting as I type this. I need to go gargle water and brush my teeth. BRB.
Rating: Zero! No stars! If you do buy it, keep some insulin on hand. I suspect this flavor might actually give you diabetes.
Message in the bottlecap: "Your luck will completely change today." Well, today is almost over, so Lady Luck best get crackin'.
Giles's Grape Potion
First Impressions: Okay, now that I've got that awful taste out of my mouth, let's give the last one a shot. I'll be honest, I'm not really a grape fan. I like grapes themselves, but grape-flavored things - even all-natural grape juice - rarely taste like actual grapes.
Taste Test: Yep, it pretty much taste like every fake-grape flavor out there. I am not impressed, but if you're into that sort of thing, more power to you.
Rating: 2 stars. It's probably not bad if you like grape, but it is not winning me over.
Message in the bottlecap: "You will receive many favorable emails." What is this I don't even. Maybe it means I will get lots of gushing comments on this post, which will be delivered to my email? Come on, guys - make it happen! :)
Okay, before we get into the actual taste-testing, we have to get this out of the way. The names for these flavors are all unbearably stupid. In keeping with the minimal-effort level of quality the comics are known for, it seems the creators of this soda promotion decided to settle on names that evoked the most tenuous of connections between the flavor and the character. (Though, given the criticisms of Jeanty's art, Bubblegum Buffy at least does seem rather apropos.)
I'm trying to figure out if there's some symbolism to the bottlecap colors. Silver for the white hats, black for the bad guy?
Also, I'm vaguely amused by the fact that all of the characters look rather disturbed to find themselves on these bottles. It's like they're all thinking, "Really? The comics weren't bad enough? You had to do THIS to us, too?" Especially Dawn. She's all, "WTF? This was seriously the best picture you could find? I would punch someone, but it would mean letting go of my boobs."
Um, I kinda drank the orange one before I realized it might be good to take pictures. Rest assured it was as Day-Glo-tastic as the other ones.
Twilight's Old Moon Orange & CreamFirst impression: I like orange soda. I like cream soda. I've never actually had them together before, but given that starting point, I'm expecting this to be either an awesome combo or a horrifying disappointment. Insert your own issue #34 joke about Twilight and cream here.
Taste test: Only slightly fearing for my life, you guys. I started with the flavor I thought I'd like the most, and wow, this one is yummy! True to its name, it does indeed taste like someone mixed orange soda and cream soda together. And I can't even remember the last time I drank cream soda, so this is making me feel very old school. It seems more creamy than orangey, with a strong cream soda aftertaste, but if you like that kind of thing (which I do) it's pretty tasty.
Rating: 5 stars (out of 5). I would totally buy more of this if they sold the flavors separately (and, you know, if I actually drank soda).
Message in the bottlecap: "You just helped save a child's eyesight. Thank you." Yay?
Willow's Green Apple Witch's BrewFirst impression: I am not usually a huge fan of apple-flavored things. They tend to end up tasting more like apple flavored Jolly Ranchers than actual apples.
Taste test: It's a little Jolly Ranchery. It does taste legitimately like apples, if you generally eat your apples drenched in sugar, lol. A little too sweet for me, but not bad. If you're an appletini-drinker, you'll probably love it.
Rating: 3 stars. I liked it enough to drink the whole bottle, but I would not want to be stuck with a case of it.
Message in the bottlecap: "Look for priceless news from a loved one." That sounds more like a fortune cookie than a soda cap.
Buffy's Blue BubblegumFirst impression: Wow, that is blue. Like, really, really blue. Unnaturally blue. I confess, I don't hold high hopes for a bubblegum-flavored drink. It seems to be just asking for sickening sweetness.
Taste test: Um, well, it's a little like drinking liquid cotton candy. And, okay, this is weird, but it actually tastes blue. IDEK! It's like, if blue were a flavor, this is what it would taste like. This is kind of an existential moment for me. It's actually pretty good, but I would not drink this as a beverage. I'd drink it as a liquid candy substitute, like maybe if you've had your wisdom teeth out and you can't eat solids, but you've got a hankering for some candy? Yeah, this would be perfect.
Rating: 2 stars. Limited usage, but not bad if you know what you're getting into.
Message in the bottlecap: "Be an angel. Save a life." Okay, so I know some of these messages are promoting vitaminangels.org, but given the Buffy connection, I can't help thinking of Angel - and let's be honest, does anyone really want to be Angel at this point?
Dawn's a Centaur! Root BeerFirst Impressions: I dunno. It's root beer. It's not a weird color, it's not a weird name (barring the WTF connection to Dawn being a centaur). I'm expecting regular old root beer.
Taste Test: Yep. Tastes like root beer.
Rating: 4 stars. It's perfectly fine, but you know, you can get root beer anywhere, so unless you really enjoy beverages with pictures of naked fictional characters on them, just go to the store and buy regular root beer.
Message in the bottlecap: "Solutions will come to you while you are walking." Best get on the treadmill, then!
Xander's Strawberry Lime ElixirFirst Impressions: I am a little hesitant about this combo. I love pretty much anything strawberry flavored, but lime? Not sure about that.
Taste Test: JFC! I literally, actually gagged, like in real life. Remember how I referenced Jolly Ranchers earlier? Well, this is like what would happen if a strawberry Jolly Rancher and a SweeTart copulated and had a sugarbaby. I can feel my teeth rotting as I type this. I need to go gargle water and brush my teeth. BRB.
Rating: Zero! No stars! If you do buy it, keep some insulin on hand. I suspect this flavor might actually give you diabetes.
Message in the bottlecap: "Your luck will completely change today." Well, today is almost over, so Lady Luck best get crackin'.
Giles's Grape PotionFirst Impressions: Okay, now that I've got that awful taste out of my mouth, let's give the last one a shot. I'll be honest, I'm not really a grape fan. I like grapes themselves, but grape-flavored things - even all-natural grape juice - rarely taste like actual grapes.
Taste Test: Yep, it pretty much taste like every fake-grape flavor out there. I am not impressed, but if you're into that sort of thing, more power to you.
Rating: 2 stars. It's probably not bad if you like grape, but it is not winning me over.
Message in the bottlecap: "You will receive many favorable emails." What is this I don't even. Maybe it means I will get lots of gushing comments on this post, which will be delivered to my email? Come on, guys - make it happen! :)
