The Story of Maude

[next_to_normal]

deird1's kitty post reminded me that I hadn't mentioned my family's latest kitty story. Have I ever talked about Maude before? I don't think so, so let me give you some background.

Maude is (was) my cousin's cat. Maude is a Bad Kitty. My cousin and her boyfriend at the time found her as a stray in an alley in Chinatown, and decided to take her home before she ended up as somebody's dinner. She wasn't much more than a kitten at the time, and obviously had never been spayed, so they took her to the vet and got her fixed. A couple days later, my cousin came home from work to find Maude (and the floor of the apartment) covered in blood - she'd ripped out her stitches and was bleeding all over the place. So they took her back to the vet and got her restitched - which she proceeded to tear out again.

The trouble with Maude is that she's a revenge pooper. My cousin has moved apartments a couple times since she adopted Maude, and has on occasion come home to find feces smeared on the wall of her new apartment. Yes, smeared. Maude didn't just poop outside the litter box, she actually smeared it on the wall with her paws to express her displeasure. She's also been known to vomit on my cousin's brand new (expensive) boots, there was an incident where she fell in the toilet (and was blow-dried with a hair dryer for her efforts), and she has managed to completely terrorize my cousin's poor other cat.

My cousin has had Maude for several years now, and understandably is rather fed up with her. In fact, back before I got Chelsea, I had mentioned I wanted a cat, and my cousin said, "You want mine?" I, of course, replied, "Not with the stories you tell!" Finally, things came to a head when my cousin moved in with her fiance, who has a really dumb dog, and so the cats, rather unhappy with this situation, went to live with my aunt (which worked out well, really, because my aunt needed a pet or two to keep her company).

So, the other day, I'm talking to my mother on the phone, and she says (apropos of nothing), "Oh, did I tell you? Aunt Donna had to spray Maude with Pam."

"Pam?" I reply, completely befuddled. "Like... the cooking spray?"

"Yeah."

"Um. Why?"

My mother, of course, replies as though this is the most obvious thing in the world, "Because she was stuck in a jar."

O_O

Keep in mind, Maude has a history of such things. She once got her head stuck in a wine glass. (She also had a habit of tipping over full wine glasses, which did not go over well with my red-wine-drinking cousin and her white carpet.) This time, she'd managed to get her entire head, one leg, and a shoulder stuck in a large jar, and my aunt couldn't get her unstuck. Apparently, wetting her down with water didn't work, and she contemplated trying to break the jar, but she was afraid of hurting Maude with the glass. So she opted for the "grease her up" method and sprayed her with Pam (which worked, btw, in case anyone ever encounters this situation).

I just - how does she DO these things??

Bad. Kitty.

Comments

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

OMG!!!! I think she needs to write to the makers of Pam and tell them this story.


Gabrielle

[molliemole.livejournal.com]

Maude sounds like a very, um... interesting cat to have around.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

Maude sounds like the reincarnation of someone extremely angry and put upon. She sounds very purpose minded when expressing her displeasure, but she seems to lose her train of thought when met with shiny things.

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

That's quite a pussycat. Sounds like she needs kitty therapy asap, your relatives are saints for putting up with her.

[dragonflylady77.livejournal.com]

That's a hardcore kitty!!!

Far out!!!

[empresspatti.livejournal.com]

It's posts like yours that make me wonder - an eternal life mystery to me:

Why would anyone want a pet that craps and vomits for revenge? I just Do Not Understand. Still, your post really made me laugh. Cat in a jar - hee.

[next_to_normal]

Hahaha, I suppose it is a good selling point. :)

[next_to_normal]

"Interesting" is a very good euphemism here. ;)

[next_to_normal]

LOL! I think most cats lose their train of thought when met with shiny things...

[next_to_normal]

Quite possibly. Do they have kitty therapy?? I am imagining Maude reclining on a sofa while an older cat with horn-rimmed glasses says, "Tell me about your problems."

[next_to_normal]

LOL! That's one way to describe her...

[next_to_normal]

Heh, I don't know, either. And that's one of the things that kept me from getting a cat for so long, because I kept thinking, "What if I get a bad one?" Once you've bonded, you can't really give it up, so you're stuck with a revenge pooper.

Fortunately, Chelsea is a darling!

[silverusagi]

She sounds like an...interesting cat.

[next_to_normal]

Indeed.

[ayinhara.livejournal.com]

I agree. I've never had a cat do such things. I'm afraid that she wouldn't last in my household.

[beloved-77.livejournal.com]

"Because she was stuck in a jar."

Ha! That's hillarious. But, okay, not. She could have suffocated. My Cleo is quite the little terror, but she's never done anything like that. Not yet. :-P

[next_to_normal]

Heh, I admit, I think it's kind of hilarious, too.