next_to_normal (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
next_to_normal) wrote2009-10-08 10:49 am
next_to_normal) wrote2009-10-08 10:49 am
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On this very special occasion...
I'd just like to take this opportunity, on our two-month anniversary, to recognize the bacteria living in my intestines.
Bacteria, we may never know the exact date on which you took up residence in my intestines, but it was two months ago today that you first made your presence known, even though I initially mistook you for the consequences of eating too much pizza and ice cream the night before.
It hasn't always been the easiest relationship - you've made life rather unpleasant these past two months, and you've probably been offended by my repeated attempts to evict you via antibiotics - but you've managed to stick it out through the tough times and refused to let my behavior drive you away. It's all because of your determination that we're still together today.
We did have our good times. After all, you helped me to lose those twenty pounds, necessitating a completely new wardrobe. Without your firm discipline, I'm sure I wouldn't have the willpower to eat nothing but crackers for weeks on end. Even as I attempt to broaden my diet, the abdominal cramps after every meal are a constant reminder that you care about what I eat. Thanks to you, my digestive system will never be the same.
And so, on this special occasion, I raise my probiotic yogurt to you, Bacteria, my microscopic frenemy.
Bacteria, we may never know the exact date on which you took up residence in my intestines, but it was two months ago today that you first made your presence known, even though I initially mistook you for the consequences of eating too much pizza and ice cream the night before.
It hasn't always been the easiest relationship - you've made life rather unpleasant these past two months, and you've probably been offended by my repeated attempts to evict you via antibiotics - but you've managed to stick it out through the tough times and refused to let my behavior drive you away. It's all because of your determination that we're still together today.
We did have our good times. After all, you helped me to lose those twenty pounds, necessitating a completely new wardrobe. Without your firm discipline, I'm sure I wouldn't have the willpower to eat nothing but crackers for weeks on end. Even as I attempt to broaden my diet, the abdominal cramps after every meal are a constant reminder that you care about what I eat. Thanks to you, my digestive system will never be the same.
And so, on this special occasion, I raise my probiotic yogurt to you, Bacteria, my microscopic frenemy.
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It occurs to me that the prep can't possibly be any worse than what the bacteria has already caused, lol. My dad said that, depending on which stuff you get, you can sometimes mix it with Gatorade to make it taste less vile.
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I was only allowed to mix lime juice with the gunk they gave me. I don't think it would make any difference. It tastes like metal, death, and putrid vomit all mixed together. I'm not really exaggerating, either. Plus, you have to drink so much. I almost called the whole thing off, I could barely get through the stuff.
Um...not to discourage you or anything! Heh.
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