Stuff I found on the interwebz

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As an illustration of why you shouldn't ask professional writers to read your stuff, this is really only halfway relevant to fanfic, but there are just so many bits that I want to quote and say "Word!" Plus, it's just an interesting post: "I Will Not Read Your F**king Script." Relevant excerpts under the cut.

It rarely takes more than a page to recognize that you're in the presence of someone who can write, but it only takes a sentence to know you're dealing with someone who can't.

This I have found to be very true.

And the truth is, saying something positive about this thing would be the nastiest, meanest and most dishonest thing I could do.

I cringe every time I see truly awful fics get great reviews, for just this reason - it's completely misleading. Oh, maybe the person leaving the review honestly thinks it's great, but they're probably no more knowledgeable about writing than the author. It makes authors think they're better than they are, and makes them even more resistant to well-deserved criticism. And it just perpetuates the cycle of crap, because bad writers encourage each other to write more bad fic, instead of it being pointed out to them (gently) that they suck and are in painful need of a writing class. Of course, when you try to give them honest advice...

He was frustrated by the responses he'd gotten from friends, because he felt they were going easy on him, and he wanted real criticism. They never do, of course. What they want is a few tough notes to give the illusion of honesty, and then some pats on the head. What they want--always--is encouragement, even when they shouldn't get any.

And that right there is why constructive criticism is poorly received 90% of the time. It's also probably why my betaing style pisses off so many new writers. ;)

The main point I made was that he'd fallen prey to a fallacy that nails a lot of first timers. He was way more interested in telling his one story than in being a writer. It was like buying all the parts to a car and starting to build it before learning the basics of auto mechanics. You'll learn a lot along the way, I said, but you'll never have a car that runs.

If this doesn't describe at least half the beginning writers in fandom, I don't know what does.

Comments

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Exactly. I've had new writers ask me to beta long, epic fics for them, and I get through the first chapter and I can tell there's no possible way to wrestle that monster into something post-worthy without starting by teaching them the basics of writing.

I usually suggest trying something shorter and simpler in order to improve their skills first, and usually they say, "But I want to write THIS story."

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

lol! The most common problem I see with new writers is that they tend to summarize what happens instead of telling the story. Like...

"Buffy and Spike meet up in the old crypt, and Spike is mad at her because she's a bitch. Buffy had been drinking earlier so she's real drunk and they get into a big fight.

*bad dialogue bad dialogue*

Then they start having sex.

Meanwhile Dawn's getting home and she sees Clem eating Cheetos and she gets mad because she wants Cheetos, too, but the bag is almost empty so they decide to go to the store..."

Ouch. That hurt to write.

Anyway, dude, that's an outline, not a story! In actual publishing, I've had submissions that strongly resemble this. It makes my head hurt.

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Yep. Telling instead of showing is a big one.

Also, summarizing things we already know - once, I betaed a fic that was Buffy remembering her encounters with Spike. The author literally went through and copied the scenes from the show (almost word for word, except she didn't even quote them accurately) and strung them all together. At the end of it, Buffy had (for no apparent reason) decided that she should totally date Spike (which would be major error #3: rampant OOCness).

[silverusagi]

"Buffy and Spike meet up in the old crypt, and Spike is mad at her because she's a bitch. Buffy had been drinking earlier so she's real drunk and they get into a big fight.

*bad dialogue bad dialogue*

Then they start having sex.

Best story EVAR! Because who cares about all that plot and stuff, just get to them having sex. :)

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

*bad dialogue bad dialogue*

You're secretly turning British, aren't you?

Or possibly Canadian.

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Say what? I'm 100% American and I always spell dialogue with a -ue.

[clawofcat.livejournal.com]

Me, too! Is there an alternate way to spell dialogue?

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

'Dialog'. It's how Microsoft spells the word, so I assumed it was the standard American spelling.

How do you spell 'catalogue', then?

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I spell catalogue with the -ue, too. It just looks naked without it. I suppose I prefer to be complex. :)

Now that you mention the computing aspect, though, I do say "dialog box" when talking about the little windows that come up on your computer.

[clawofcat.livejournal.com]

Hm, I've never seen "dialog" used, but I suppose someone out there does.

I actually spell catalogue/catalog both ways, which is odd, but it happens. I have to use the word a fair amount for work, so when I'm hand writing a note I'll put "catalog," but if I'm writing something more formal I'll add the -ue. Peculiar? You bet!

I stick firm by theater, though. Theatre just looks funny.

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I sometimes use "theatre" when talking about live plays on stage, or "musical theatre" as a genre. But I always use "theater" in the context of "movie theater." I blame my "London Theatre" course for that one.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

Cheerio, old chap! What a load of tosh! Blimey! Blimey! Blimey!

I mean, what? I didn't realize "dialogue" wasn't an American spelling.

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

Wiktionary calls it a US and computing simplified spelling variant of dialogue. So maybe not all Americans are simplified after all? :-)