next_to_normal (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
next_to_normal) wrote2012-03-05 11:48 am
next_to_normal) wrote2012-03-05 11:48 am
Entry tags:
Everyone needs to stop texting me!
Okay, I need y'all to tell me if I'm weird or not. So, recently I went on two dates, and BOTH guys texted me the next day with "hey, how was your day?" type messages. I doubt it's a coincidence, and I suspect it's some sort of post-first date etiquette that means, "I want to go out again, but I'm afraid of outright rejection, so I'm going to send you an innocuous text message, and if you respond, I'll know you're interested."
This bothers me for a couple reasons. First, of course, is the fact that I've only been on one date with them, so I doubt that they really care how my day was, and texting me only reinforces that belief.
See, "how was your day?" is one of those questions, where, if you really want to know, it's not a one-word answer. It's a funny story about the stupid thing your boss did, or a proud retelling of your success at the big meeting. But most of the time, to quote Elena Gilbert, "When people ask you... they don't really want an answer." And asking via text message suggests to me that you don't really want an answer, because text messages typically solicit the kind of short answers like "good," "boring," "busy," that don't really tell you anything.
Which is the other reason I'm bothered. This is the part where I may be weird, because I do not like having conversations over text message. I know it's the thing now, but I'm just not a big texter. It's fine for quick updates - "Meet for lunch at 12:30?" or "Meeting ran late, on my way" or "We're out of milk, buy more" sort of things - but if we're gonna have an involved conversation, I'd much rather do so in a medium that doesn't involve typing with my thumbs. And this isn't limited to guys I barely know, either. Asper_aspera_ad_astra will attest, even with my friends, if you send me a text that requires a more complicated response than "lol," I will probably not respond.
So, guys? Please stop texting me to ask how my day was. If you want to go out again, ASK ME OUT. As long as I can respond with "yes" or "no" - otherwise, I'll probably be ignoring you. :-P
(Of course, it helps that I really wasn't interested in seeing either of these guys again, so I'm not missing out on anything by not responding. If it was a guy I liked, I'd probably respond, even though it violates my principles, lol.)
This bothers me for a couple reasons. First, of course, is the fact that I've only been on one date with them, so I doubt that they really care how my day was, and texting me only reinforces that belief.
See, "how was your day?" is one of those questions, where, if you really want to know, it's not a one-word answer. It's a funny story about the stupid thing your boss did, or a proud retelling of your success at the big meeting. But most of the time, to quote Elena Gilbert, "When people ask you... they don't really want an answer." And asking via text message suggests to me that you don't really want an answer, because text messages typically solicit the kind of short answers like "good," "boring," "busy," that don't really tell you anything.
Which is the other reason I'm bothered. This is the part where I may be weird, because I do not like having conversations over text message. I know it's the thing now, but I'm just not a big texter. It's fine for quick updates - "Meet for lunch at 12:30?" or "Meeting ran late, on my way" or "We're out of milk, buy more" sort of things - but if we're gonna have an involved conversation, I'd much rather do so in a medium that doesn't involve typing with my thumbs. And this isn't limited to guys I barely know, either. As
per_aspera_ad_astra will attest, even with my friends, if you send me a text that requires a more complicated response than "lol," I will probably not respond. So, guys? Please stop texting me to ask how my day was. If you want to go out again, ASK ME OUT. As long as I can respond with "yes" or "no" - otherwise, I'll probably be ignoring you. :-P
(Of course, it helps that I really wasn't interested in seeing either of these guys again, so I'm not missing out on anything by not responding. If it was a guy I liked, I'd probably respond, even though it violates my principles, lol.)
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That was really long and pompous. Here, have my Riley icon.
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"How are you" is kinda presumptuous for the morning after the first date. Especially since, as Eowyn says, the dude doesn't really care. He's just trying to keep contact to set things up for a second date.
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I don't understand what's wrong with, "Hey, had a nice time last night, want to get together again?" Much more direct!
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(Although, if my boyfriend or my good friends wanted to know how I was, I'd still expect them to ask me, not text me... haha.)
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I think the text thing is removed enough that it meets those criteria well. If you don't want to see someone again, ignoring their text is a good way to shut them down without any massively hurt feelings. If you do, you can respond with something like, "Still happy about last night. Call me tomorrow?" Done and done.
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LOL You had me worried there for a minute. I was about to tell you I didn't want to hear any more whining about dating if you weren't bothering to respond when somebody made an effort. Good to know that you wouldn't do that to someone you wanted to see again. :)
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