S7 Spuffy pondering

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Yesterday, snickfic made a post on the things she doesn't like about Spike in S7. I'll just copy the relevant point here:

The non-discussion of the AR. It is the huge purple elephant in the room in S7, rarely referred to but entirely overshadowing Spike and Buffy's relationship. I wish they'd actually talked it out sometime, even if we didn't see much of the discussion on screen. Just a hint that this was something that they were working through and moving on from would have been helpful.

In the comments, angearia asked a very good question, which is: "What discussion of the AR would be satisfying? What needs to be said to make it work?"

And so I'm curious. I've seen plenty of people express displeasure with the way the AR (or even the entire S6 Spuffy relationship in general) was brushed aside in S7, but I don't know that I've ever seen anyone answer Emmie's question of what would make it better. (This may or may not be relevant to a fic idea I'm working on, but I ask more out of curiosity than anything else, as one who doesn't have a problem with what we were given.)

It seems like a difficult question to answer, since there's no real life equivalent to going and getting a soul, but are there expectations that Spike - or Buffy, for that matter - need to meet to make it "okay" for them to pursue a relationship again? Are verbal apologies and forgiveness necessary, or do actions speak louder than words? What is it that people find lacking about the way it was addressed on the show?

Comments

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I don't really have a problem with it actually except where it concerns Dawn and the Scoobies. It was not their business but had been MADE their business and Buffy allowed that instead of telling them to buzz off about it.

I think Buffy understood WHY Spike went for that soul. It was partly to punish. For all Spike knew of a souled vampire....Angel and his description of how it felt and worked... Spike was looking at suicide in a way. He had Angel's acting like he was a separate being with that soul (and even the feigned IMHO loss of memory of Angelus's actions when re-ensouled). He risked actual death in the trials too. He undertook the soul quest also to ensure (in his mind) that he would not hurt her again because so much had been made of the soul = good idea. Buffy understood that and it WAS an apology of the real sort...it was penance not empty words. She saw the look on his face in the bathroom and knew he immediately regretted his actions too.

I think they both apologized for bad behavior in non-verbal ways. Buffy never apologized for that beat down but Spike knew she regretted it and forgave just as she eventually understood what led to the AR (more mixed signals than evil intent) and forgave.

I WOULD have loved Buffy to say to Xander and Dawn that the issue was between Spike and her, far more complex than one incident and none of their business though. There was a slight touching of that in Him when she spoke to Dawn but not enough for as often as the issue was referred to by non-participants. But that is Buffy...she is kick ass physically but strangely avoids conflict of a verbal nature where her friends are concerned.

I can live without that though and think they both showed the forgiveness in their actions in S7 in non-verbal ways and with this pair....that was the safest choice. Both had such a bad habit of inserting foot in mouth when they tried to put feelings into words.
It was in character IMHO.

Kathleen

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I WOULD have loved Buffy to say to Xander and Dawn that the issue was between Spike and her, far more complex than one incident and none of their business though.

I can understand that, but on the other hand, if it were my friend who'd almost been raped, I'd put up a stink if the guy who did it tried to come back into her life.

I'm not sure what Buffy needs to say, though. Despite their personal feelings, Xander and Dawn still follow her lead in accepting Spike back. He's allowed to join them in "Beneath You," despite reservations, simply because Buffy says so (even before they know about the soul). Xander allows Spike to live with him at Buffy's request, and although Dawn raises concerns in "Him," she doesn't tell Buffy that Spike needs to go or shouldn't be in her life, just that she doesn't understand Buffy's feelings.

I don't see how either of them are "making it their business," except that they are rightfully concerned about their sister and friend. Certainly neither of them go as far as Giles did in trying to go behind Buffy's back to get rid of him. If they hadn't shown some concern, I'd wonder how much they really cared about Buffy.