next_to_normal (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
next_to_normal) wrote2014-10-16 05:22 pm
next_to_normal) wrote2014-10-16 05:22 pm
Entry tags:
In which my expectations for a first date include... a date
Well hey, we haven't had a horrendous online dating story in a while! Mostly because I let my match.com account expire and started planning my future as a crazy cat lady. But now per_aspera_ad_astra is all, like, sickeningly happy with some guy she met on there, making her the second of my college friends to have success on that site, so back I go. This is my first attempt.
Frequently with these sorts of things, I find myself wanting to check my reactions, to make sure I'm not being unreasonable or crazy or whatever. (Usually I'm not, but you know. It's nice to have secondary validation.)
So this dude emails me, and his first suggestion is: "We can meet out for a few minutes and if we click come back to my place to cuddle and be affectionate. Work for you? Don't worry not looking for a one night stand."
Okay. Here's how you can tell he's a dude: It apparently does not occur to him that a woman would not want to IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO HIS PLACE after just meeting him for a few minutes. Hint: it's not a "one night stand" I'm worried about.
So I respond back saying I'd like to meet, but not so much on going back to his place until I know him better. We switch to texting, and he texts me last night - at 5:30pm, please note - "I should be able to meet about 7pm can I let u know a little later?"
Like, 7pm TONIGHT? Like, an hour and a half from now? DUDE. Do you not realize that I might want to, oh I don't know, put some effort into getting ready for a date? Not leave right from work (on a day when I didn't dress for a date because I didn't know I'd have one this morning) to come meet you, when oh by the way you can't even confirm we have plans until "a little later"?
So I text back saying no, how about tomorrow, hoping for a smidgen of advance notice. No response. Then, today: "Does 5:20pm work to meet this evening?" Well. At least I did my makeup this morning. Except I don't leave work until 5:30 and it takes me 45 minutes to get home, so he changes it to "after 6, mind if I let you know time and place later?"
By this point, it is 4pm - once again, mere hours before this supposed date and he wants to let me know "later." I had to ask if he was opposed to advance planning or something. I mean, I'm all for spontaneity, but I feel like a first date is something you plan for, you know?
Also, more than once he has described it as "a quick ice breaker," which pings a little something in my brain. I am starting to suspect that he doesn't see this as an actual date so much as I refused to go to his house on a first date, so we need to meet real quick and get it over with so that next time I will. He doesn't exactly contradict this suspicion when I try to clarify what he has in mind: "I like to keep first meetings short. If you're comfortable we can talk more the second time and come to my place to cuddle and be affectionate."
I mean. What? First of all, don't think I didn't notice you used the "cuddle and be affectionate" line WORD FOR WORD again. Which means it is, likely, a line.
But seriously, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a first date to be longer than a few minutes. Or to be an actual date. Which you plan 24 hours in advance and don't just text me with a time and place and expect me to drop everything and go meet you. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?
Whatever. Fuck it. I am meeting him at Starbucks at 8:30 tonight. Let's hope I don't get cuddled to death.
ETA: Hahahahahahahaha NOT SO MUCH. I did not actually meet him. He texted me around 7:30 to say that it would be more like 9 because he had errands to run, and at that point I was just like
I mean, I am obviously way too nice for my own good and will give a dude far more chances than he deserves, but even I will not stand for that. Nothing says "I don't respect your time" like literally telling a girl you're squeezing her in between running errands. And he's all "I don't want you to be waiting around so I'll let you know when I'm on my way." In other words, "please just sit around and be at my beck and call for whenever I get around to having time for you, and then drop everything when I text you to come meet me."
What the actual fuck. No. Fuck you.
per_aspera_ad_astra is all, like, sickeningly happy with some guy she met on there, making her the second of my college friends to have success on that site, so back I go. This is my first attempt.Frequently with these sorts of things, I find myself wanting to check my reactions, to make sure I'm not being unreasonable or crazy or whatever. (Usually I'm not, but you know. It's nice to have secondary validation.)
So this dude emails me, and his first suggestion is: "We can meet out for a few minutes and if we click come back to my place to cuddle and be affectionate. Work for you? Don't worry not looking for a one night stand."
Okay. Here's how you can tell he's a dude: It apparently does not occur to him that a woman would not want to IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO HIS PLACE after just meeting him for a few minutes. Hint: it's not a "one night stand" I'm worried about.
So I respond back saying I'd like to meet, but not so much on going back to his place until I know him better. We switch to texting, and he texts me last night - at 5:30pm, please note - "I should be able to meet about 7pm can I let u know a little later?"
Like, 7pm TONIGHT? Like, an hour and a half from now? DUDE. Do you not realize that I might want to, oh I don't know, put some effort into getting ready for a date? Not leave right from work (on a day when I didn't dress for a date because I didn't know I'd have one this morning) to come meet you, when oh by the way you can't even confirm we have plans until "a little later"?
So I text back saying no, how about tomorrow, hoping for a smidgen of advance notice. No response. Then, today: "Does 5:20pm work to meet this evening?" Well. At least I did my makeup this morning. Except I don't leave work until 5:30 and it takes me 45 minutes to get home, so he changes it to "after 6, mind if I let you know time and place later?"
By this point, it is 4pm - once again, mere hours before this supposed date and he wants to let me know "later." I had to ask if he was opposed to advance planning or something. I mean, I'm all for spontaneity, but I feel like a first date is something you plan for, you know?
Also, more than once he has described it as "a quick ice breaker," which pings a little something in my brain. I am starting to suspect that he doesn't see this as an actual date so much as I refused to go to his house on a first date, so we need to meet real quick and get it over with so that next time I will. He doesn't exactly contradict this suspicion when I try to clarify what he has in mind: "I like to keep first meetings short. If you're comfortable we can talk more the second time and come to my place to cuddle and be affectionate."
I mean. What? First of all, don't think I didn't notice you used the "cuddle and be affectionate" line WORD FOR WORD again. Which means it is, likely, a line.
But seriously, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a first date to be longer than a few minutes. Or to be an actual date. Which you plan 24 hours in advance and don't just text me with a time and place and expect me to drop everything and go meet you. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?
Whatever. Fuck it. I am meeting him at Starbucks at 8:30 tonight. Let's hope I don't get cuddled to death.
ETA: Hahahahahahahaha NOT SO MUCH. I did not actually meet him. He texted me around 7:30 to say that it would be more like 9 because he had errands to run, and at that point I was just like
I mean, I am obviously way too nice for my own good and will give a dude far more chances than he deserves, but even I will not stand for that. Nothing says "I don't respect your time" like literally telling a girl you're squeezing her in between running errands. And he's all "I don't want you to be waiting around so I'll let you know when I'm on my way." In other words, "please just sit around and be at my beck and call for whenever I get around to having time for you, and then drop everything when I text you to come meet me."
What the actual fuck. No. Fuck you.