Well, yeah, they're both pep talks. And as such, they have their desired effect from two guys who were once involved with her. And the repetition of the phrase "hell of a woman" is hard to ignore. There's even some similarity in the stage direction - Riley reaching out to brush away her hair before leaving her, and Buffy letting him, and Spike reaching out to touch her cheek and Buffy leaning away, and Spike getting down on his haunches to look her in the eyes.

The thing about Riley's is that he prefaced it with all the crappy things about Buffy's life before telling her - "but none of that touches you." She's a great person going through a rough time. Spike, on the other hand, isn't responding to the bad situation that Buffy's in. He's concentrating more on the subject of her being a wonderful person, albeit flawed.

They're both trying to cheer her up in a bad spot, but I think the messages they're conveying are different. They're also coming from two different positions - one, as the guy who's just dropping by and knows very little of what she's been through, and the guy who's been around for most of it, caused some of the problems, and helped solve others.

I do agree with you about the relationship as it stood breaking up - I just wish that Riley's condescending (which I still see it as) speech hadn't been the thing to spur it.